Menage A Law

Governor Scott Busts Out His Red Pen, Or

2011-05-26T13:25:00.000-07:00

"You Voted For Him Dumbass, Don't Blame Me."

Scott's Job Creation platform during the campaign?

He eliminated 4,500 state worker jobs.

Security?

State workers pay 3% of their salary to fund their retirement.

Education?

Tens of millions stripped from the education system, eliminating school construction and teachers.

(He asked for greater cuts for K-12, but failed.)

Breaking News: Governor Scott Appoints Michael Hanzman to Circuit Bench

2011-05-23T11:47:00.001-07:00

The DBR breaks the news here.

Congratulations to Michael, who will be a terrific Judge.

This appointment allows the Governor to score multiple points. First, the citizens of Miami-Dade County and the members of the local Bar have a new trial judge who will continue to elevate the quality of the Bench. Second, they still have Ace Traffic Attorney Richard Hersch to retain for all of their criminal law issues.

N.B.: We think with a few more years trying, that eventually Ace will be appointed, if he does not wish to run for election, what with his compassionate quotes. Heck, he just looks like a judge, doesn't he?

I Love Clients

2011-05-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

I know, I know: you have already seen this video.

But it never gets old.

N.B.: I bet Ace never has these problems with his clients.

Count Down

2011-05-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

EDUCATE TOMORROW

2011-05-20T08:57:00.001-07:00

Apparently, not everyone received a personal invite from Ms. Damian.

So see below.

This is a great cause and a great night and Wynwood is the hippest place, bar none, including the Meat Packing District (of old) or anywhere in Seattle or San Francisco.

The title of the post links to Educate Tomorrow's site.

Buy a ticket.

----------------------

I invite you to join me in showing your support for Educate Tomorrow at their 8th Annual Wine Tasting & Silent Auction on Thursday, June 2, 2011 from 6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. at the Bakehouse Art Complex in the Wynwood District.

Your attendance or sponsorship will help Educate Tomorrow serve disadvantaged young adults transitioning out of the foster care system to further their education.

I would personally appreciate any support you can provide and hope to see you you at the Wine Tasting. Tickets are $75 and available for purchase online at www.EducateTomorrow.org

Thank you,

Melanie Damian
Educate Tomorrow Co-Founder

Wine Workshop with Michael Bittel, Sunset Corners Fine Wine & Spirits, and Abraham Horowitz, BuyLines Tasting Panel, Wine News

Thursday,June 2, 2011
6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Bakehouse Art Complex
located at 561 NW 32nd Street, Wynwood District.

Tickets $75 per person | $100 at the door

Purchase Online at www.educatetomorrow.org

Sponsorships Available: $250 - $10,000

Contact Shawn Joost for more information at 305.374.3751 or joost@educatetomorrow.org

What a Bunch of Bullshi*t

2011-05-19T12:50:00.001-07:00

As Pacenti reports, the Senate placed Kathy Williams nomination on its "consent calendar."

Whatever that means.

Senator Nelson's office offers this wisdom: "Williams’ confirmation is imminent as long as there are no objections."

No shit, Sherlock. Ya' think?

Man, despite her veneer of unflappability, this has to be difficult on Kathy. And it underscores again that politics prevents good people from putting their lives on hold to seek appointment to the Bench or some other important position.

Fortunately for the Southern District, Kathy is tough as nails and has the mettle to wait this out.

UPDATE:

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

Check out this NY Times article on Senate Republicans blocking a vote on the nomination of Goodwin Liu to the Ninth Ciruit. Apparently, all because Liu spoke out against Alito's nomination to the Supreme Court. Such petty partisanship. But, this is the way the "game" is played in Washington.

Senator Jefferson Beauregard (I shit you not) Sessions, III, Republican of Alabama, said ~~we don't need any slant-eyes on our courts, especially in California. Don't you remember Pearl Harbor? That's close to California! It would be an insult to put one of them on the court out there!~~ “This nominee, I believe, represents an extraordinary circumstance. His record reveals that he believes the Constitution is a fluid, evolving document with no fixed meaning.”

Beauregard can hold a grudge. Remember 1986, when Ronnie nominated him to the District Court for the Southern District of Alabama? He didn't make it because FOUR of the assistants working under him when he was the US Attorney for the Southern District of Alabama testified that he made rascist comments to them.

Don't believe me?

One of those lawyers, J. Gerald Hebert, testified that Sessions had referred to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) as "un-American" and "Communist-inspired" because they "forced civil rights down the throats of people."

Thomas Figures, a black Assistant U.S. Attorney, testified that Sessions said he thought the Klan was "OK until I found out they smoked pot." Sessions also called Mr. Figures "boy" and told him to be careful what he said to white folks. In his defense, little Jeffy said that "his remarks were taken out of context or meant in jest." Really, you in-bred, backwater rascist weasel? HAHAHAHA just kidding! That's a joke, Beau! Please don't take it out of context!

This guy would call Jeff Sessions a dipshit. I am not calling Jeff Sessions a dipshit. Nor would I ever call Jeff Session a dipshit. I think that calling Jeff Sessions a dipshit, would be inappropriate.

He's just an angry little man, who has become more sophisticated in plying his anti-American obstructionism and zealot agenda.

Sweet Home Alabama, indeed.

Broward Chief Judge Victor Tobin to Practice Foreclosure Law!

2011-05-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

At the Law Offices of Marshall C. Watson, no less.

Who in their right mind could turn down that gig?

Obviously the Chief will do well and we wish him well. If we may, here are a few tips to insure your instant success upon your return to practice.

Heck, the Chief already has the newest buzz phrases down pat. Check out this quote from the DBR:

“Number one, it’s a firm that has a need. Number two, it’s a good fit for me. It’s an opportunity for me to carry on some of what I’ve done in the courthouse to see that best practices are used. They instituted a best-practices policy, and I’m going to make sure that is followed and make sure we do everything right,” he said

Best practices? Really? The Attorney General did not think so.

Despite his homicidal disdain for our blog we share Rumpole's opinion of ~~Broweird~~Broward.

N.B. Chief - trilogies. What is number $ 3?

"Ace" Miami Traffic Attorney Richard Hersch Talks Tough!!

2011-05-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

"They Have to Get Through Us , Before They Get to You!"

No, really.

That's what Ace says. (Hey - that's what Richie's pal Rumpole calls him.)

Says so right here.

That's his marketing strategy.

Well, that and his associate LaSonya K. Lacey, who is plastered all over his website.

Except I wonder if his clients have seen this quote from Richie in today's Herald.

Defense lawyer Richard Hersch called Miami-Dade’s new DUI Diversion program a “good thing.”

“The vast majority of first DUIs are people who make stupid mistakes. Turning them into criminals doesn’t make any sense. A good number of them are going to get off because an officer doesn’t show, and evidence falls apart. What happens to those people? They’re not on the radar, and they’re not going to get treatment,” Hersh said.

Hmm.

So maybe the quote on Richard Hersch's website should be changed to read:

"They Have to Get Through Us, Before They Get To You! Unless They Ask Us Nicely! Or Unless I Think You Made a Stupid Mistake! Or Unless I Think You Need to Be a Criminal! Or Unless I Think You Need to be "On the Radar." Or unless I want to help the prosecution because its not fair to them that their evidence is "falling apart." Or Unless I Think You Need Treatment!"

You know, I am not a criminal attorney, so when I hear the term "get off" it conjures certain images. But I have never heard criminal defense lawyers use the phrase "get off on a technicality." Usually they corner me at the bar, pour tequila and invade my space while passionately talking about concepts I remember from law school, like "constitutional guarantees," "burden of proof", and "reasonable doubt."

The JNC might want reconciliation of Mr. Hersch's Oath of Attorney and his desire to be appointed to the bench.

N.B.: Ode to Lacey Underall

BREAKING NEWS! KIM ROTHSTEIN TO RETURN ALL OF SCOTTY'S PERSONAL ITEMS!

2011-05-11T06:20:00.000-07:00

The Daily Business Review reports that there are "two intriguing items on the list: a box of "fetish wear" and a framed copy of the "Lawyer's Creed."

You can read the entire story here.

I Can Assure You My Intentions Are Strictly Honorable

2011-04-26T10:24:00.001-07:00

All this talk about Judge Ungaro's order tossing the Bank Atlantic verdict just affirms what I knew all along: ~~Judge Ungaro is super Hot~~ Judge Ungaro may initially appear to want to attack you on certain issues you raise, depending on who you are, but if you stay focused, don't take the bait and don't get frustrated, she will study the law and if you raise persuasive issues will rule correctly, including reversing herself. And I am a big fan of watching that, beg your pardon.

She is smart, doesn't suffer fools, enjoys a good spat, ~~is sartorially elegant~~ and doesn't hold a grudge.

What more could you want ~~in a woman~~ in a Judge?

Kendall Coffey Sinks His Teeth Into Florida Rule of Evidence 90.803(25)a.ii.

2011-02-07T14:58:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd followed closely Miami Voice's recall effort of Natacha. But somehow I did not know that Michael "Lou" Pizzi had previously led an unsuccessful Natacha recall effort. ( I just love saying that....NATACHAAAAAAAA...)

The Herald covers the drama here. So like, doesn't it seem a little less like Mikey is co-counsel to Big Ben, and a little more like Mikey hired Ben this time around to make sure things did not go south? Again.

Anyhoo, back to Natacha's depo. According to the Herald, Pizzi and Natacha really got into it. Can't wait for video, live at 5.

Natacha's attorney is non other than Kendall Coffey! You remember him, right?

No? Let me try to refresh your recollection.

He has attempted to stage a comeback by pushing his visibility through various publicity stunts.

First, he served as a CNN commentator on Eliot Spitzer's fall from grace for cheating on his wife and daughters and lying about being a prostitute's trick. Our own Glenn Garvin outed Kendall for his, er, "superior qualifications" for the gig. (One wonders if Garvin would have chimed in were Kendall a republican.)

Kendall's next publicity stunt was real early in the Rothstein Ponzi fraud, before he had any reasonable opportunity to understand the complex facts. Come on you remember! He took his client's word and invited the cameras in and shared his defense theories and gave a tour of the firm! Cool!

And don't forget the book!

Heck, I could go on and on with Ken's self-prooting publicity stunts - but why bother? Just check out his website.

Which brings us back to our evidence lesson for today. According to the Herald, in his depo defense of Natacha, Kendall cites the oft overlooked 90.803(25)a.ii. objection: "Kendall Coffey, Seijas’ attorney, repeatedly objected to Pizzi’s line of questioning, accusing him of a politically motivated “publicity stunt.’’

Wasn't Ben co-counsel with Ken for Gore, in the recount?

N.B.: I wonder how Ben is holding up.

The Faustian Tale of David Stern

2011-02-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

I knew David when he was nobody, and heck, that seems like almost yesterday.

But now he's all over the news! Heck, he's featured in the Washington Post!

Let's see:

Plush, marble floored offices with glass and fountains? Check.

60 million in personal real estate? Check

Bugatti, Ferrari, Bentley? Check.

Bombshell wife? Check.

Yacht? Check.

Shit out of luck? Looks that way.

The dude has all 50 attorneys general on his ass. Not even Madoff can say that.

Michelle Conlin puts out some great journalism in the Post article.

Here's Dave, in happier days.

N.B.: Note the wristband from the prior evening's all-you-can-drink wet T-shirt contest.

Kuehne and Pizzi

2011-02-04T11:49:00.001-08:00

You know, you spend a few weeks at the bottom of a scotch bottle, and you miss a lot around here.

Ben and Mike are co-counsel to Miami Voice, the political action committee that is leading the effort to oust Miami-Dade County Commissioner Natacha Seijas?

(Natacha has fought back, asking a circuit judge to block her March 15 recall election, arguing that if the supposedly flawed recall petitions are excluded, not enough valid voter signatures were delivered to the Clerk of Courts to justify a recall election.)

Anyhoo, what a team, Ben and Mikey! Good cop/ bad cop, for sure! Check out the quotes from the Herald article!

The ``court must make every effort to validate the citizens' will,'' asserted Miami Voice, represented by attorney Ben Kuehne. ``Especially in view of the exacting standards for enjoining an election, this court should be confident, as should any responsible elected official, that the people can best be trusted to choose their political and governmental leaders despite the efforts of entrenched politicians to subvert the will of the voters.''

That Ben Kuehne, he's something else isn't he?

Then Mikey announced his presence with authority, stating that Natacha's ``claims are based on absurd technicalities. It is total nonsense.''

Ah, the old "absurd technicalities" defense.

But Mikey is not done. In response to legal positions taken by Natacha's camp, Mike says ``It's despicable they made an allegation they knew they couldn't back up,'' Pizzi said.

Watch the video of Natacha's aborted deposition on the Herald website - Natacha looks like a deer in headlights.

Natachaaaaaaa......

N.B.: Speaking of a numbers game, on this matter do you think Pizzi is billing out for his standard rate of $500 or his reduced rate of $80?

Nuff Said

2011-01-30T20:22:00.001-08:00

He posted.

I just comment.

Parsing Hialeah, Mayor Julio Robaina, and Fraud

2011-01-27T20:52:00.000-08:00

"The More He Did Borrow, The Bigger the Hole He Got."

That's easy for you to say.

You know, if the speaker was other than Alvin Entin, I'd mock the speaker. Because I got to. But with Alvin, its always possible he's pulling a Columbo. And even if he's not, how can you not love Alvin?

Alvin represented "Felipito", the flashy Hialeah jeweler sentenced in December to 10 years in the federal pen, for running a $40 million dollar ponzi scheme ( I know, I know: only 40 million! Chump change by Miami standards. But, we're talking Hialeah.)

Felipito started soliciting investors in 2006 to invest in his jewelry business, promising returns of 18 to 36 percent a year. He later promised up to 120 percent annual returns.

That doesn't sound too good to be true.

Mayor Julio apparently wanted in, to the tune of a $750,000 investment. And now the IRS is knocking, according to El Herald.

But when asked about the probe, JR declined to detail the loans made to Felipito, saying he "did not want to jeopardize the investigation."

Uh huh.

Julio shared something of his home life, however. According to the Herald, the two-term Hialeah mayor said his wife runs the household, including their personal finances.

``My wife deals with everything that has to do with my home. You ask me what we pay in the city and I can tell you the details. You ask me what we pay water, FPL in my home, I don't know,'' Robaina said. ``I'm not trying to blame her. I'm just saying she's the one who handles these things,'' Robaina said.

Sounds credible.

According to the Herald, "Robaina first said he had no direct business dealings with Perez. Two checks indicate otherwise, El Nuevo Herald has learned.

When Perez was first charged with fraud in June, Robaina told El Nuevo Herald that he did not have a direct business relationship with Perez. He said his wife's companies dealt with him.

Two checks obtained by El Nuevo Herald show Perez paid Robaina $6,00O -- $3,000 per check -- in September 2006. The checks were made out to Robaina. Robaina said the checks were interest payments on a loan that his wife's company made to Perez and that his name appeared erroneously."

Innocent mistake.

Alvin gets the last word.

``It is public that my client received three quarters of a million dollars from Julio Robaina. My client was repaying the loans at 36-percent-a-year interest. It is what it was,'' Entin said.

N.B.: As Yogi Berra said, you can observe a lot by watching.

Judge King Wants to See You, Mark

2011-01-27T12:08:00.000-08:00

Remember when marijuana was the smuggler's livelihood? Doesn't that seem nostalgic? Like hearkening back to a simpler time.

31 years is a long time.

31 years ago, Miami's Best Criminal Defense lawyer, pictured below while delivering his closing argument in the Buju Banton trial , was in 4th grade.

31 years ago, Tom Meeks was the King of spring break, according to South Florida Lawyers.

Heck, 31 years ago Steel Hector & Davis not only existed, but was relevant.

One thing has NOT changed in 31 years: Judge King remains on the bench. And that is very bad news for Mark Phillips.

As the Herald reported, Mark was a reputed member of the "Black Tuna" Smuggling Ring and indicted on charges of racketeering, possession and distribution of marijuana in February 1980. After sitting through a month of trial before Judge King, Mark skipped out. Mark was convicted in absentia. Mark spent the next 31 years living pretty well in Chile, Germany, London and New York. Until he was apprehended today in a retirement community in West Palm.

So, guess who represented Mark before Judge King 31 years ago, according to the docket.

You Don't Bring a Knife to a Gun Fight!

2011-01-26T15:52:00.000-08:00

So says Florida State Sen. Greg Evers, R-Baker.

But, like Greg, why would I attend a gun fight?

In case you have not been to Baker, it is an unincorporated town in Okaloosa County, Florida, 10 miles northwest of the County Seat - Crestview - in the Florida Panhandle. The Baker Block Museum, where according to their link confederate flags are exhibited and sold, is housed in Baker.

Crestview had a population of 22,000 in 2008 , according to the US Census Bureau although whomever created the Wiki site for Crestview claims "82,500 residents live in the immediate area."

Like what, in the woods? In tents or survival pits? In Baker?

In 2007, Crestview Mayor Whitehurst, who had been mayor for nearly 20 years, resigned, leading to the inauguration of David Cadle, who had just retired from directorship of the Big Red Machine, the local high school's band.

When I attended band camp, my nickname was the Big Red Machine.

Speaking of nicknames, Crestview has many common nicknames, the most frequently used is "Hub City". "Hub City" got its name because its at the center of an interstate, two highways, a railroad, and two rivers. Also known as C-view, Crestucky, and The Big Skinny.

My first mate's new nickname is officially The Big Skinny. Because Tres Piernas seems immediately to garner too much attention when the women-folk board my vessel.

Anyhoo, back to Baker, Greg Evers, knives, guns and fights.

Don't underestimate Greg's ability to shape gun laws throughout the state in a way that will make it even easier for cop killers to buy guns.

Greg says, according to the Herald:

The explosion of gun violence hasn't gone unnoticed in the state Capitol, where lawmakers in the pro-gun Florida Legislature say the tragedies underscore the need to loosen the regulation of guns -- rather than restrict them.

``What these cases show is that gun regulation doesn't keep guns away from criminals,'' Sen. Greg Evers said. ``It's time we get more guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens so they can protect themselves. You don't bring a knife to a gun fight.''

Ah yes, now I understand Greg, who is sponsoring two controversial gun bills this legislative session. One would restrict physicians from asking patients about the presence of firearms in the home. The other bill would allow holders of concealed weapon permits to wear their guns in the open -- including on college campuses.

Virginia Tech.

Nevertheless, folks in the Florida legislature are currently trying to pass a law to ban high-volume ammunition clips, such as the one used in the recent Tucson shooting rampage.

Not likely to happen, though, because gun-rights advocates like Evers say they oppose regulating the ammunition clips because it wouldn't keep them out of the hands of criminals. And many say the NRA controls which bills will likely pass or fail, because gun control is a thing of the past in the Florida Legislature.

I love that.

And how do the police feel about making sure guns flow like water?

``It's easier for a criminal to buy a gun than a can of beer,'' said Miami-Dade Sgt. John Rivera, president of the Florida Police Benevolent Association.

Ah, John Rivera: now there's a bleeding heart liberal, soft-on-crime guy, if ever there was one.

Speaking of hearts, make sure to watch from 59 second to the 1 minute mark of the video , when Austin proclaims with each shot, "DEAD! DEAD IN THE HEART! DEAD!" Only, he's not shooting deer.

N.B.: Mr. Evers - You're no Jimmy Carter.

What Do Bowman Brown and AC/DC Guitarist Angus Young have in Common?

2011-01-21T20:53:00.000-08:00

Other than the school boy rep tie and good hair, probably not much, except that for both, all good things must come to an end.

Yup. The City Club is gone.

And as I thought I heard Bowman say, that really sucks.

As reported by the Herald:

"Yet, those who remained members of the Miami City Club like attorney Bowman Brown were disappointed to hear of the planned closing.

``It's a shame,'' said Brown, chairman of the executive committee at Shutts & Bowen. ``It's so convenient, right across the street from my office. It has some of the best views in town.''

"And sometimes, Angus and I would hang there and then head to the Deuce Bar until the sun came up."

(I added that last part.)

Shutts is for life.

Anyhoo, another piece of Miami passes.

NB - I miss the Deuce Bar - I have not been in far too long.

Welcome, Governor Scott

2011-01-04T20:26:00.001-08:00

So yeah, Rick Scott was sworn in as your Governor.

And he had a lot to say.

"It's hard to hide the fact that the wolf is at the door," Scott said.

Three forces -- taxation, regulation and litigation -- are choking Florida businesses, Scott said, his voice hoarse from a weeklong gala celebrating his inauguration: "Together those three form 'the Axis of Unemployment.'"

He's a wordsmith, this guy.

"It requires magical thinking to imagine government creates prosperity," he said.

"Government has no resources of its own. Government can only give to us what was previously taken from us."

He was ousted from the company he founded after the Columbia hospital chain was forced to pay a $1.7 billion settlement with the federal government for Medicare and Medicaid fraud. Because you have to give back what you took, when you get caught, because it was taken away and then given to you but you weren't supposed to have it, but its magical to get it.

"We'll get rid of the agencies...," Scott said.

Alrighty, then.

Nevertheless, even though he promised to shrink government, he promised to create 700,000 new jobs in seven years. That's magic, right there.

Buckle up, folks.

NB you get what you vote for.

Feliz Navidad

2010-12-24T15:57:00.000-08:00

Have You Heard the One About the Abrasive, Obnoxious Jew, the Angry Drunken Mick, the Screwy Whop, and the Colored Boy With the Strong Back?

2010-12-11T09:06:00.000-08:00

No?

Well then pack up the kiddies and head on over to the Tricky Dick Presidential Library and Museum!

The New York Times reports the release of more of the 265 hours of recordings of Nixon made while the dope sat on his fat ass in the Oval office.

I make no secret that I think the writers for the Times are superb, but the phrase "added layer of complexity" as used in the article (and included below) does not seem to accurately or appropriately describe Nixon as the ignorant, racist pig that he was.

"While previous recordings have detailed Nixon’s animosity toward Jews, including those who served in his administration like Henry A. Kissinger, his national security adviser, these tapes suggest an added layer of complexity to Nixon’s feeling. He and his aides seem to make a distinction between Israeli Jews, whom Nixon admired, and American Jews."

“The Jews have certain traits,” he said. “The Irish have certain — for example, the Irish can’t drink. What you always have to remember with the Irish is they get mean. Virtually every Irish I’ve known gets mean when he drinks. Particularly the real Irish.”

Nixon continued: “The Italians, of course, those people course don’t have their heads screwed on tight. They are wonderful people, but,” and his voice trailed off.

A moment later, Nixon returned to Jews: “The Jews are just a very aggressive and abrasive and obnoxious personality.”

Added layer of complexity? Really? Not so much.

I would have written something like, " ...these tapes prove Nixon was an ignorant, racist pig."

What? Too direct?

Anyhoo, you didn't think Dick's rants would ever exclude the coloreds, did you?

The article continues:

"At another point, in a long and wandering conversation with Rose Mary Woods, his personal secretary, that veered from whom to invite to a state dinner to whether Ms. Woods should get her hair done, Nixon offered sharp skepticism at the views of William P. Rogers, his secretary of state, about the future of black Africans.

“Bill Rogers has got — to his credit it’s a decent feeling — but somewhat sort of a blind spot on the black thing because he’s been in New York,” Nixon said. “He says well, ‘They are coming along, and that after all they are going to strengthen our country in the end because they are strong physically and some of them are smart.’ So forth and so on.

“My own view is I think he’s right if you’re talking in terms of 500 years,” he said. “I think it’s wrong if you’re talking in terms of 50 years. What has to happen is they have be, frankly, inbred. And, you just, that’s the only thing that’s going to do it, Rose.”

I guess Sammy was "inbred?" (WTF does that mean?)

Doesn't Dick look uncomfortable, like Sammy might be contagious?

NB: I guess my Irish drinking buddy isn't "real" Irish after all, because the only time she got mad at me she was sober as a judge. And hey - nothing about the 'Ricans and the Mexicans ??? Guess that will be released in later tapes.

Save Some Food For Me!

2010-11-24T13:20:00.000-08:00

Well, the DEA has given notice that you have one month to buy "fake weed" and horde it in your basement before it becomes illegal to buy "fake weed." (The kids used to call fake weed "homegrown" back in the day.)

The DEA announced plans Wednesday for a nationwide emergency ban of five chemicals found in the so-called "fake pot," which is sold as incense at convenience stores and specialty shops across the country. (Where exactly are these "convenience stores" located? And when did folks stop calling them "head shops?")

"This is good news," said Jim Hall, director of Nova Southeastern University's Center for the Study and Prevention of Substance Abuse. "It's the fastest way to deal with the problem nationwide."

Actually Jim, the fastest way would be to impose an IMMEDIATE ban or suspend sales.

Nova.

Anyhoo, the five chemicals banned are JWH-018, JWH-073, JWH-200, CP-47,497 and cannabicyclohexanol. They will be labeled Schedule 1 drugs, the most restrictive category reserved for drugs deemed unsafe, highly abused and considered to have no medical value. (Unless applied to the wax on green apples, Chocolate Crunch cereal, or your favorite BBQ chippies.)

N.B. The views expressed in the youtube video, which have absolutely no affiliation with this blog, and the proliferation of "fake" marijuana, do not represent the views of this blog or its authors. This includes the actor's tacit admission that coughing after a bong hit is totally weak and undermines the prior 3 minutes of her video wherein she purports to be the world's authority on bong hits. Nor do we condone drinking the bong water. Ever.

The Big House

2010-11-15T16:42:00.000-08:00

The Man already covered Judge Shenberg's new gig here.

Kudos to Harvey for his entrepreneurial spirit and never say die attitude and all, but really: didn't Gene Wilder teach us everything we need to know about survival in The Big House?

N.B.: Timing is everything and from the look of things, Allen Stanford needed Harv to open his jail survival school a year earlier. Ouchy.

New Music Saturday

2010-11-13T20:27:00.001-08:00

NB This is the second Bluegrass song I post. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Texas Flood

2010-11-08T18:52:00.001-08:00

Being a drunk can lead to the White House.

And being President entails having dog crap thrown at you.

That's W.'s statements to a hostile crowd at an Energy Conference in Dallas, the risky venue chosen for his first public remarks about his graphic novel.

According to the Huffington Post, W. was candid in his remarks and talked a lot about his family and his wife Laura: "I never would be sitting here without the unconditional love of an awesome man," he said.

NB: Water boarding? Damn right!

Congratulations to Marco Rubio, Son of Exiles!

2010-11-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

I don't like cheap shots, so the Herald's election night description of Mauricio's "toothy grin" at his victory party at the "swanky" Biltmore was not necessary.

NB - Hey - did anyone see this play ?

Nella Memoria di L'uomo Grande

2010-10-14T16:25:00.001-07:00

Don't Cha

2010-10-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

N.B.: Fancy watch.

Backyard Conversations, Glenn Beck and the Tea Baggers

2010-09-30T18:32:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't give a shit, which you shouldn't because the whole idea is ill-conceived, hokey and risky, Obama got served.

Given, its Iowa. Look at the picture. (For $10, where is Iowa?) But it's good Obama got an earful. Maybe he'll get his head out of his ass.

Because if he doesn't, he's going to be up the creek without a paddle and Glenn Beck and the tea bags will finish what W started.

N.B.: I long for Anne Coulter and true conservative values.

Orrick, Herrington at the Rodeo!

2010-09-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

Again.

It's weird. They can't seal the deal. No one wants to dance, not even a firm that's seen better days.

As law.com reported, "[t]his isn't Orrick's first merger rodeo. [The firm] "has a long history of going pretty far down the aisle with potential merger partners, only to ... fall apart."

Hmm.

Gerbil.

Orrick failed to bed, er merge with, Dewey Ballantine ("Dewey Orrick Herrington - DOH!"), and previous dalliances with Coudert Brothers, Cooley, Venture Law Group, Donovan Leisure Newton & Irvine and Swidler Berlin Shereff Friedman, turned up the fig. (That sounds more like the VIP list to The White Party at Vizcaya than a law firm merger wish list.)

Wait! I know a good target!

NB Based on results to date, the big boys at Orrick could stand to channel their inner Joan.

Cadwalader Wickersham & Taft - A Leading Law Firm!

2010-09-24T15:48:00.000-07:00

As the loyal reader of this blog will tell you, we respect Cadwalader.

I love saying it: Cadwalader. Cadwalader Wickersham. Cadwalader Wickersham and Taft.

Its just sounds fancy.

Anyhoo, with all those high powered lawyers, why the heck is Cadwalader so scared to appear before a Congressional Oversight Panel investigating the use of private contractors by the Treasury Department for work related to the TARP program?

Just because Cadwalader received legal fees of 27.5 million in TARP funds to advise Treasury regarding the companies to which it should dole out the money, while also representing corporate clients to whom Treasury doled out TARP funds, does seem like a basis to ruin the firm's reputation by starting to invoke the 5th amendment and hide behind the attorney client privilege. I mean, "does not."

Hey - did you know that W. Christopher White, the new Chairman of Cadwalader, is the brother-in-law of Treasury's bailout Czar Steven Rattner, who I guess helped decide which law firms would get the TARP work?

Really.

NB How did I know that Dick Cheney was involved?

Cadwalader, Wickersham & Taft

2010-09-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

If unlike me you did not grow up on the Shores of Lake Superior, you are not a fan of '70s folk music, your name does not end in a vowel or your law degree is from an institution that could get you in the door at a once-fancy "silk stocking" firm, let me tell you a little about the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Launched on June 8, 1958, The Mighty Fitz, as it was known, was the largest working vessel on the Great Lakes for almost 20 years. 730 feet long and 75 feet wide, it carried taconite from Duluth, Minnesota to Detroit.

On November 10, 1975, while carrying 26,000 tons of cargo, the great vessel encountered 50 knot winds. And then things got nasty. Bottom line is, the boat broke in two and sank, and all 29 crew perished.

No one knows exactly what caused the sinking of this mighty vessel, but one published theory contends that an already weakened structure and modification of the structure allowing heavier loads contributed to too much stress on the infrastructure causing a stress fracture in the hull.

Which takes us to Cadwalader and Robert O. Link.

Bob earned his law degree at the University of Tennessee.

Bob arrived at Cadwalader in 1987 and made partner in 1990.

Bob was made leader of the firm in 1994. At the age of 39. Of an international law firm, with 200 years of legal experience, that many considered relevant. But, as they say...

Cadwalader had fallen behind other New York firms in stature but more importantly in revenue.

Bob wanted to fix that.

Bob took the "structured finance" practice group to new heights.

Bob installed what he called a "meritocracy," awarding partners who brought in business with increased compensation (Bob's like Einstein, eh?)

Under Bob, where you'd never want to be, the firm posted record revenues and profits in the years that followed. By 2006, profits per partner hit an all-time high of $2.9million, with gross revenues at $556 million.

Until 1997 hit, the economy slowed down and government regulators got snoopy.

Bob made Cadwalader the first fancy firm to engage in large-scale layoffs, in January 2008.

Bob fired 35 associates.

Bob fired 96 more lawyers.

Bob got sent to London.

Bob left Cadwalader - and the practice of law (does that mean he resigned his bar license?) on July 1, at 55 years old.

And now, Bob's judgement:

"Speaking from one of his homes in Vermont, Link said the retirement was his choice. He said he has no plans to return to the practice of law, though he may take a job in the public interest arena.

"I don't have to work if I don't want to," Link said. "But I will."

Bob - can I call you Dick? - who is your PR person? Or maybe you handle your own PR....

Read the article here.

Bob says he is proud of what he built during his tenure. Which as far as I can tell, is absolutely nothing.

Who's Your Daddy?

2010-09-21T12:36:00.000-07:00

Leicester Stovall wants to reconnect with his son. Who can blame him for that?

Squire Sanders, of course. Those folks are so litigious.

Paternity at issue with big bucks at stake means the pleadings are flying as fast as the dirt.

Here is the story.

I don't understand this statement in Leicester's response to LeBron's motion to dismiss: "Plaintiff's time-consuming efforts to reconfirm his recollections were a reasonable -- and predictable -- response to Defendant Gloria James's statements and the DNA test results that he'd allowed Defendants to arrange during a period when time was, unbeknownst to Plaintiff, of the essence."

Leicester, who is representing himself, used to work for the S.E.C.

Anyhoo, I hope all this works out in the best interest of the child.

NB Now that I've gotten around to reconfirming my recollections, I think it is entirely possible I may be the father of one or more of the following: Carlos Slim Helu, William Gates III, or Mukesh Ambami.

40th Anniversary

2010-09-20T10:06:00.000-07:00

As the one loyal reader of this blog knows, I am a Doors fan.

So , Wow! Beached on Miami is obviously written by talented people who are real writers and not a frustrated lawyer dabbling in the blog-o-sphere. Kudos to Jordan and Robby.

Because check this out.

Today marks the 40th anniversary of a Miami jury convicting Jim Morrison of misdemeanor charges of indecent exposure and profanity arising out of The Doors' concert at Dinner Key. And the Beached post comprehensively covers the background, the incident, the political climate, a bit of the trial dynamic, and great photos (including the booking photo above, which we borrowed from Beached) and video clips.

I encourage you, after you read the Beached post, to watch the live Roadhouse Blues video above to revisit Morrison's ability to create utter chaos, his larger than life presence and his unbridled, genuine I-don't-give-a-shit attitude. He was something else.

NB I wonder what happened to Robert Jennings?

David Lat and Michigan Assistant Attorney General Andrew Shirvell Are a Pair of Enema Bags

2010-09-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

It's a joke! No matter how ignorant they are, each is a human being. Of course they cannot be a receptacle for liquids expelled from the anus after being introduced to the lower intestine to extract fecal matter.

The story is here.

Look at Andy. His unfortunate, unnecessary, destructive and overt repression of his homosexual orientation can't mask his desire to scream "PLEASE GRAB MY EARS AND MAKE ME SUCK YOUR C*@K!"

But Andy, I wouldn't let you. You're a bigot. You abuse your position. You have poor judgment, according to your boss. You promote hate and stupidity, and EVERYONE IS LAUGHING AT YOU.

If I could, and I am not because I can't, I'd call you ferret face. But I won't. Because that would be unkind to ferrets.

But I am pretty sure Andy would lick the head give head be at the head of sensitivity class on his knees.

NB I always wondered why Above The Law feels worthless, un-insightful, derivative and a waste of time. Turns out it was not just because its a place for Big Firm Trust Fund Crybabies with zero talent, ability or business to go and whine after they smash their balding heads on that glass ceiling their family entitlement could not shatter.

Its because it was founded by a guy like Shrivell.

I Love Gnocci

2010-09-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't love potatoes?

The Ukrain has the pierogi, Eastern Europeans the knish, and the Irish, boxty (John Martin's never served boxty, btw.)

But nothing tops gnocci.

Anyhoo, I'm not sure about the merits of this lawsuit. Don't get me wrong: I like Italians as much as the next person. Some of my best friends are Italian. And I have nothing against the pinkie ring.

But it seems to me that suing the City University of New York, which in 1976 declared its effort to recruit, hire and promote Italians, is like suing Miami Dade College for discriminating against Cubans.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

NB Godfather, Goodfellas, Saturday Night Fever, Casino, Raging Bull, and of course South Florida Lawyers' Favorite - Who's The Boss.

"These are subtleties. The point is, that it works."

2010-09-07T20:12:00.000-07:00

I couldn't make this crap up if I wrote for what once was a newspaper.

"Judge Finds No Ineffective Assistance in Trial Where Defense Lawyer's 'Associate' Was Non-Attorney Felon"

After Kenneth Stevens had been sentenced to 216 months in federal prison, he learned the "associate" who sat second chair at his trial was not in fact an attorney, but rather was a non-attorney convicted felon.

And not just any felon, mind you.

Harvey Alter was "the associate". Harv, unbeknown to the accused or the trial judge, was the former chief of Manhattan House, which at the time was New York's largest halfway house. Harv had pleaded guilty to bribery "for demanding and receiving from [a Manhattan House resident] sexual and sado-masochistic favors in exchange for money, drugs, and [the] promise of favorable treatment," as described by his subsequent appeal of his sentence.

The guilty plea satisfied charges that Alter had coerced sex from at least four residents of the halfway house. (And Harv still appealed his sentence!)

So who is the "trial lawyer" and what's his connection to Harvey the halfway house molester? Stevens was represented by Michael A. Young who referred to Alter throughout the trial as his "associate" and who attended attorney sidebars.

Turns out Young, Stevens' trial counsel, was Alter's partner in Manhattan House, as well as the president of the company that owned the halfway house. The two men shared an apartment in Greenwich Village and Young owned a Fire Island cottage that was the site of the drug-fueled parties detailed in Alter's indictment, according to two stories in Newsday.

Southern District of New York Judge John F. Keenan ruled that the ostensible associate's criminal background and lack of a law degree were insufficient grounds for finding ineffective assistance.

Really?

What the hell was everyone thinking? What kind of joy ride with some guy's life was this? What was the genesis of this idea? Why was it fun for Harv the molester? And why did Young entertain the experiment? What is wrong with these people?

And I thought Kubrick was whack.

N.B. "Young, a Manhattan solo practitioner who was admitted to the bar in 1971, was not publicly sanctioned for his actions."

The Most Interesting Man In The World...

2010-09-07T09:58:00.000-07:00

...of Miami politics.

From humble professional beginnings as a local reporter in Spanish language media, he rode a wave of low voter turnout to capture the Throne in 2009.

Now, communicating without barriers, he clothes the homeless, swims with sharks, and fearlessly attempts novel theories of contract law to try and correct his mistakes.

You guessed it!

N.B.: Find out what it is you don't do well in life, and then don't do that thing.

Secretary Wanted

2010-09-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

Man, my secretary gave me crap today, which is no different than any other day.

Except she was prioritizing ANOTHER LAWYER'S WORK before mine. And that ain't right.

After all, who in the World is more important than me, right?

It's so hard to find good help these days. Someone who takes pride in their work and is devoted to discharging the responsibilities of the job with zeal.

N.B.: Enjoy your three day weekend. It's going to be a grind from now until Thanksgiving.

Ode to Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin

2010-08-31T19:16:00.000-07:00

Interviewing Tips for Law School Graduates

2010-08-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

So with this tight legal market, it seems finding a law job continues to be hard.

Fancy firms have taken a "hiatus" from their summer programs and are "being more discerning" (read: we can't pay our equity partners what we used to pay them and are desperately trying to find money, including by restricting temporarily the flow of new blood into the firm and hoping it does not permanently damage our ability to function.)

Smaller, lesser known regional firms come right out and admit that they have terminated their summer associate program because they cannot afford it if they wish to survive.

When or if the legal market enjoys a slow uptick, landing a job as a summer will be even more perilous.

In addition to the Ten Commandments of interviewing (which you should never forget) law grads are confronted with stealth behavioral interview tactics.

Consider these prodding inquiries certain to yield insight:

"Law firm interviewers are being trained to ask questions like "How did you handle the last time you received an unexpected project?" or "What was an innovative idea you came up with in the workplace?"

Are you shittin' me? That's it? Now it's obvious why after 5 years 80 percent of big law associates leave for the county attorney's office, the S.E.C., or to hang their shingle on Flagler Street.

As I've said before, you just have to be yourself. That's either good enough, or it's not. And no amount of faking it will carry the day, at least not for very long.

N.B. She never fakes it.

And did you notice how Lynn couldn't remember "adultery" as one of the 10 Commandments?

The Case of the Miami Penis Pump Scammers

2010-08-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

I love those old Hardy Boys' Mystery Book titles.

Anyhoo, did you see this little article?

Someone has a sense of humor - "Charlie RX" and "Happy Trips of Hialeah" - great names for medical equipment provider companies selling penis pumps, or at least bilking Medicare for them. But why not call the company "Wee Willies" or "Irish Curse RX"?

N.B.: I wonder if the Miami Go-To criminal defense lawyer will get this, if he doesn't already have it. The case, not the pump.

I hope Ursula draws this case.

The Universal Defense

2010-07-29T19:37:00.001-07:00

No matter the cause of action, the defense always boils down to this.

Sometimes, that shit don't fly.

NB - Preservation Hall will always be good for the soul.

Liberty

2010-06-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

As the New York Times reported , three miles off the coast of Alaska BP is moving forward with a project to drill two miles under the Arctic and then eight miles horizontally to reach what is believed to be a 100-million-barrel reservoir of oil under federal waters.

BP's drilling has been exempted from the federal government's moratorium on offshore drilling because it sits on an artificial island — a 31-acre pile of gravel in about 22 feet of water — built by BP.

You have to hand it to the Oil Company for naming its record-setting project "Liberty."

As BP becomes accountable, and people start to clamor that things have been broken, wrongs have been done, people have been hurt (maybe Ervin is all that, after all) stuff is coming to light. For example, rather than conducting their own independent analysis, federal regulators, in a break from usual practice, allowed BP in 2007 to write its own environmental review for the project as well as its own consultation documents relating to the Endangered Species Act, according to two scientists from the Alaska office of the federal Mineral Management Service that oversees drilling.

That sounds extremely cozy, and seems a bit like this.

This dude works on the North Slope, monitoring fish movement across the "Liberty" drill site.

Anyhoo, I could go on and on, but I won't. Read the Times article.

N.B. The Satriani / Grace Potter cover is pretty hot, and I am no fan of covers.

This Is How To Try Your Case

2010-06-04T19:58:00.000-07:00

NB Jake Knotts is a piece of ..... Just kidding! It's a joke!

Saturday Night, 1978

2010-05-15T17:30:00.000-07:00

NB Same weekend. At the Agora Ballroom in Hartford, and Toads, in New Haven. After Rudy's, of course. Fake ID in hand.

"Like A Frightened Turtle"

2010-05-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

You know what they says about guys with little sports cars, big houses, and cigarette boats?

And badges?

This poor guy feels short changed.

I always wondered whether those high-tech security screening machines equated to x-ray vision. My wife always seems to draw a crowd when she is asked to step inside. I always thought it was because she at times looks a tad Middle Eastern. Go figure.

N.B. Why did stubby force his victim to his knees before beating him? That's kinda weird. Oh well. Better hire that studly criminal defense lawyer across town.

People Change

2010-04-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

I love the Washington Post, as much as I love Washington lawyers as they primp, preen and prance around the court room with dramatic flare for their clients as they "prepare for trial," before the inevitable "settlement."

"Alike, but different," is the best the Post could do to try and distance Charlie from Joe. And I agree with that: after all, Joe's a Jew and Charlie attended FSU. Joe is old, and Charlie. Joe was a lifelong democrat before he abandoned his constituency and jumped ship for selfish reasons, and Charlie was a lifelong republican before he abandoned his constituency and jumped ship for selfish reasons. Beyond that, they're pretty much indistinguishable. They've both been married twice right? And in trying to distinguish them, doesn't the Post invite comparisons? Silly me. I don't live in the beltway. Who am I to even opine on such matters.

Charlie has made a decision regarding his affiliation, and you have to respect that in a man. So cast your vote.

NB What ever happened to Charlie's wife? I have not heard much about her since she was first rolled out. I got snowed, just like everyone else.

Man, that was fast

2010-04-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

NB It never gets old.

Angelina Jolie

2010-04-17T12:51:00.000-07:00

I just like saying her name.

"Daddy Likee"... Who is the dumbass that paid some advertising agency 10 million dollars for that stupid slogan? Results matter: 600,000 recalls. Great casting.

And frankly opinions matter, provided you have only one.

How do you like your steak cooked ?

Baseball season is here. (That Tanner really has a mouth on him.)

Music time.

NB: She is unbelievable

Random

2010-03-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

I thought this article by Uncle Luke on the state court prosecution of Michelle Spence-Jones was an interesting read.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, Big Law actually sucks.

Fortunately, I don't know about that.

NB Donatella Versace is a looker.

"There are no real rules. Its up to each judge."

2010-03-11T18:06:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness for good law professors who make certain the next generation of attorneys is gooder than the last.

First we had Perfessor David Rowe, who first came to our attention here. "Specializing" in "criminal defense", the Good Perfessor offers hope to the accused. Never no mind he lost the beauty contest to represent the accused, to some other guy. I am sure that is not causing him to make statements like the following. Heck, I'd give my left nut to be quoted in CHAT!

"I see his chances as begin very low. He is on video offering cocaine for sale. I don't think the entrapment argument has a great deal of effort," Rowe told Chat! yesterday."

And I don't think effort is a great deal, cocaine.

Not to be outdone, Bobby Jarvis over there at Nova is quotable, at least to the Palm Beach Post. After all, he is listed in "Who's Who in the World." And not everyone can say that.

Anyhoo, after Johnny K. did the right thing and apologized for allegedly flashing his judge badge and yelling at a FHP Trooper, Professor Bob had this to say about recusal:

"There are no real rules. It is up to each judge," Jarvis said. "Judges don't have to explain why they do or don't in particular instances recuse themselves."

Professor Bobby apparently forgot about the procedure for filing disqualification motions for civil and criminal cases, in rule 2.160 of the Florida Rules of Judicial Administration. Or that a statute relating to judicial disqualification exists, F.S. [sections] 38.10,[1] the requirements of which are consistent with rule 2.160 and should be satisfied by counsel. Additionally, Fla. Code Jud. Conduct Canon 3E(1) sets forth a nonexclusive list of instances in which a judge must disqualify himself or herself from a case in which the judge's "impartiality might reasonably be questioned." Or that a motion to disqualify must be in writing and "specifically allege the facts and reasons" relied on to show the basis for disqualification. See Fla. R. Jud. Admin. 2.160(c). The motion must be sworn to by the "party" by signing the motion under oath or by a separate affidavit. Counsel for the party seeking disqualification must also separately certify that the motion and his or her client's statements contained therein are made in good faith.

Rule 2.160(d) sets forth the following bases for a disqualification motion, at least one of which must be shown in the motion....Oh hail, never mind. The judge is just going to make it up as she goes along.

N.B. There really is a Who's Who in the World. Not that I'd ever want to be a part of any group that would have me.

Go Slow

2010-03-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

N.B. I knew Him, when.

The Rum

2010-02-13T19:48:00.001-08:00

NB: turn on your love light(s)

2010-02-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

I believe I will start drinking early tomorrow, and spend time on my boat this weekend, fishing.

N.B. Here's to Gene. My god he is so cute, and I can't wait to meet him.

Champion

2010-01-08T07:39:00.000-08:00

The Man covered the important legal and PR issues here. I add a soundtrack and observe that I think these guys will make a great team at trial. Of course, you know Buju can't cut his hair, so I suppose David may grow the dreads. I can see it.

N.B. Isn't it a litle eerie that Buju is wearing his bright orange jumpsuit at the beggining of this video?

Hiatus

2010-01-07T14:26:00.000-08:00

It feels good to be back.

N.B.

Ode to South Florida Lawyers

2009-12-09T19:01:00.000-08:00

Lisp and all.

N.B.: I don't think he likes black folks.

Baby Please Don't Go

2009-12-07T17:59:00.000-08:00

N.B.: She's all yours. I was never much for women who carry their belongings in garbage bags.

Closure

2009-12-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

Criminal trials are so different, aren't they?

After reading Francisco Alvarado's great coverage of the duel between Mike Tein and ASA Richard Scruggs, and the related posts by my Favorite Bloggers here and here, I can't wait to read what happened today in court.

N.B. Something tells me Queensberry rules are out the door in this one.

Don't Play Safe, Just Play

2009-12-02T19:28:00.001-08:00

NB: I see a progression away from blonds.

It Scares Me to Feel This Way

2009-12-02T18:24:00.001-08:00

NB: No nota bene needed.

The Customer is Always Right

2009-11-24T13:29:00.000-08:00

Big Law firms avoid flat fee cases like the plague, while small shop lawyers often live by a flat fee hybrid that is based on stages or pieces of the case. (I write about civil practitioners. Who knows how those wacky criminal folks handle payment of fees.)

Big or small, listen up: according to Hildebrandt's 2009 law department survey, more companies are asking their outside lawyers to ditch the billable hour in favor of flat-fee pricing. More than half the 231 companies surveyed said they have implemented or will implement non-hourly fee arrangements. Another 27 percent said they are considering them.

Advantage, small firms.

The apocalypse is not up on us, although gunner associates may be crapping their pants.

You can argue or pontificate about the wisdom or viability of the flat fee model until you're blue in the face. But its happening, at least for the time being. How long it lasts is anybody's guess. Or the customer's preference.

Heck, change is good and its exciting to try something new. Who knows? You may get the hang of the flat fee.

Anyhoo, enjoy Thanksgiving. We live in a wonderful city, so take advantage. Love those around you notwithstanding their faults. Enjoy some football. And most important, remember those less fortunate, and give something back.

N.B. I love breakfast.

The Way We Were

2009-11-18T18:54:00.001-08:00

N.B. Babs captures the sense of loss that permeates the Rothstein tragedy.

Georgia on My Mind

2009-11-13T18:36:00.001-08:00

And they say South Florida is wacky.

Taking the law into your own hands is ok if you are a law-man in the South, but I'm not so sure its ok when you are the District Attorney. I mean, most State Bar Organizations have codes of ethics and such. And I am pretty sure that bum-rushing the judge in chambers when you disagree with his rulings, is likely out of bounds. But, I don't live in Georgia.

Recently, Fulton County Superior Court Judge Marvin S. Arrington Sr. held a career state court prosecutor in contempt for misconduct during trial, and ordered her to pay a $100 fine to the charity of her choice. Smart lawyers would pay it and quietly purge the contempt or exercise their right to appeal the order, professionally and discreetly.

Meet Linda J. Dunikoski.

A month after her offending conduct earned her the contempt order, government lawyer Linda J. was back in Judge Arrington's courtroom on another matter, and Judge Arrington said he asked whether she had complied with the court's order.

"Dunikoski responded by saying that she had been advised by her supervisor, District Attorney Paul Howard, not to comply with said Order," wrote Judge Arrington, in a subsequent order holding DA Howard in contempt.

Arrington ordered Dunikoski taken into custody until she complied with the order, after which Howard "appeared in the secured back hallway outside of my chambers, confronting me as I left the bench and belligerently demanded that I release Ms. Dunikoski immediately and that I should hold him in contempt instead." Howard "walked up to me, within [a] 1/4 inch of my face, and shouted that I was making a mockery of the judiciary."

Twenty minutes later, wrote Arrington, "Mr. Howard barged into my [chambers] and demanded to see me. I asked the deputies to escort him out of my office until the hearing could be held at 2 p.m. on today's date. Frankly, Mr. Howard's behavior and subsequent tirade made me fearful of my safety."

Work it out, fellas.

DA Howard's website is nifty. It has a "most wanted" list, a "featured" criminal, and lots and lots of pictures of The Boss himself. Which reminds me, a Wise Man once said "if you have an elaborate and highly conspicuous "Wall of Me" then you're a di@k." Does the same apply to a website?

N.B. If you ever pulled that barging into chambers stunt in the 11th Circuit, I know at least one judge who would go upside your head with the 4 inch heel of a Christian Louboutin pump and a red lipstick. No, silly. Not David Young. He's on TV court.

I Want My Cut

2009-11-12T13:35:00.000-08:00

She doesn't deserve all this. She hasn't settled into the comfort of married life, to the Man of her Dreams. Just look at her happy chin during their nuptials, less than 2 years ago.

N.B. Does Scott have unusually small feet, or what?

Scott Rothstein to the Rescue!

2009-11-09T11:48:00.000-08:00

Successful, effective investigative journalists possess finely honed instincts. They smell a rat before anyone. As he observed, they are not wilfully blind to red flags that should set off alarms, because of a desire to be close to the flame. And unlike hacks, they do not sacrifice journalism and neutrality because of their personal views.

Think Bob Woodward, Carl Bernstein and Ernie Souchak.

I got to thinking about effective investigative journalists after reading this piece by some guy named Buddy Nevins. Here is a picture of Buddy for those who have never heard of or seen him.

For those who don't click the hyperlinks, Buddy's piece is titled "Scott Rothstein to the Rescue." In it, he writes that "superlawyer" Scott Rothstein and his wife Kimmy are "are single-handedly keeping a number of Broward County’s charities in the black with their philanthropy."

Buddy-boy lists the Rothstein's impressive financial contributions to great causes, and then the article gets interesting.

"Scott may be a tad eccentric. The bodyguards are a bit much, since I’ve met with many very rich guys over the years and none of them had them," wrote Nevins. "I lived in an apartment when I was a kid and Meyer “The Brain” Lansky’s brother, Jake ”The Enforcer” Lansky, had an apartment in the same building. I saw both the Lanskys numerous times and they didn’t have bodyguards, or they did (sic) they kept them well hidden." That's cool for sure. And I am impressed, what with your meetings with many very rich guys over the years (that just sounds weird, OK Buddy?) and the Lansky name dropping.

But uh, didn't you clue in? Even a little?

Apparently not.

Buddy concluded: "But who cares about Rothstein’s idiosyncrasies when he is so generous. Broward is a better place because of Scott and Kimberly."

Where is Ernie Souchak when you need him?

Because I cannot fathom how you pass up this opportunity.

N.B. Scottie named his now-seized yacht "Princess Kimberly." That was SO sweet!

New Music Wednesday, Part Deux (that's french)

2009-11-03T20:40:00.000-08:00

All this talk about Scottie is weighing on me. Although I have to admit, it is getting interesting now that investors are talking about how Scottie and the Firm's General Counsel pitched them to invest, in the Firms's offices. Yup, yup. Makes all those strangely overt repudiations by Scottie's partner Rosencrantz seem even more....implausible?

Alan Sakowitz, a South Florida attorney and real estate developer, told Bloomberg News he was solicited to buy settlements through a broker working for Rothstein.

Sakowitz and his partner met with Rothstein in the firm’s Fort Lauderdale office in August. They sat on a lizard-skin couch as Rothstein stood by a bank of television monitors, a revolver strapped to his ankle. On the wall were pictures of Rothstein with politicians including California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Sweet.

Rothstein told them he was selling investments in sex-discrimination and whistle-blower cases that were settled confidentially.

Sakowitz said he considered investing in three $900,000 settlements. Rothstein would pay the clients $660,000 each immediately with Sakowitz’s money, and he would get the full amounts in three payments at 30, 60 and 90 days, he said.
Sakowitz said he was denied permission to meet the clients, see backup documents or talk to the attorneys who worked on the cases.

“When we left, we thought, this is either an unbelievable opportunity or this is a big scam,” Sakowitz said.

Ya think?

Another investor prospective investor balked at Rothstein's proposal because it seemed suspicious and walked away in August after meeting with Rothstein Rosenfeldt Alder’s general counsel, David Boden, in the firm’s Fort Lauderdale office. Boden is not licensed to practice law in Florida.

The offer was to pay about 75 percent of the whistle-blowers’ pre-suit settlement of $900,000 up front in exchange for full payment over time. The investor said the offer dealt with one of more than 100 similar settlements.

Look folks, its simple: if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Anyhoo, I needed to clear my head and lacking a G5 to ferry me to Morocco , I drove to the Redlands to pick tomatoes. Really. Don't mock me. Try it sometime.

That's where I heard Cadillac Sky. I know, I know: It's Bluegrass. Don't be such a snob. Turn it up. Give it a listen. You never know, you just might like it.

N.B.: I Was Born Lonesome.

When You Have a Fool for a Client

2009-11-03T07:37:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but for some reason all these pictures of Scottie make me hungry for a bacon double cheese burger.

Anyhoo, remember years ago when University of Miami Law School Professor D. Marvin Jones was arrested and falsely accused of picking up hookers, when the "hooker" was an undercover cop? No, me either. Until now.

That's because D. Marvin, going at it pro se, advised his client to sue the popular Big Law Blog "Above the Law" for 100 billion dollars for a "viciously rascist series of rants." (Okay, okay: he sued for 22 million.) Professor Jones filed the suit on October 27, in U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Florida, and named David Lat, the Blog's managing editor, publisher David Minkin, and the parent company as defendants. (Why doesn't he have a parent company? What would the parent company be named, if he had one?)

So, now this is news all over again.

Above The Law even posted a sort of commemorative montage (that's French), re-posting today what was buried in almost three year old posts. (The blog apparently disabled comments on its montage. In my transactional mind, that strikes me as an ill advised move resembling an admission. But I'm not smart like those Big Law heroes.)

Begging the question: why do this now? Maybe I am not that smart and am too conservative and scared and not a litigator, but where is the wisdom and sound judgment in bringing this up again? Did the Professor bounce this off experienced practicing lawyers, or even his colleagues? And, why did no lawyer in the community want to take this case? Even pro bono?

Perhaps the answers to these questions and others can be found in this great article.

N.B. The case drew Judge Marcia Cooke.

New Music Wednesday

2009-10-28T17:12:00.000-07:00

I searched all day today for a newsworthy topic about which to post, that had not already been covered. Cause I sure didn't feel like working. I came up with nothing. Nadia Comaneci.

As an aside, that's Nadia below, apparently tapping her inner Cougar. Although, come on...she can do better. The goober licking his lips is totally not worthy. What's up with that lime-green tie and double-breasted blazer? What is he Belgian? French? Is there a difference? Is he like, 5'5"? With thinning hair? I bet his name is "Tim." She's AN OLYMPIC GYMNAST, for crying out loud. Where is the bad boy? A Mexican? An Italian? At least a UPS driver.

You may recall Nadia from her compulsory routine in the 1976 Olympics in Montreal on the uneven parallel bars, that earned her the first perfect 10. Ever awarded to any male or female gymnast. In the Olympics. Ever. Here it is. And in case you don't remember, she earned 6 more perfect 10 scores during those Olympics.

Anyhoo, having found nothing interesting about which to post, and my posts otherwise not being worth a crap, I started to feel worthless, meaningless and talentless.

So I figured I'd just post some music you'd otherwise never hear. The video reminds me of early MTV/John Mellencamp/Jack and Diane, with a touch of Euro trash "look at our great architecture" bullshit. Only this dude is Italian. So there are TWO women he apparently loves. And he ignores them both. And walks in the rain. At night. Which I guess is very cool. Or at least very cold.

But I think the song is great.

N.B.: I'd like to see more of Nadia.

New Orleans to Havana, $178 roundtrip on E-Spiri

2009-10-21T18:16:00.000-07:00

This is so weird.

I love New Orleans. But I live in Miami. With lots of Cubans.

And now No-La Mayor Ray Nagin wants to bring us all together. For one big party. Which should not be surprising. For you kids who are not as old as him, in the late 1950s, Cuba was the top source of trade for the Port of New Orleans. And then that little thing happened on New Year's.

Anyhoo, Ray is a no-nonsense kind of guy. Recently, Ray took a six-day trip to Cuba's capital to study the island's disaster-response system. Screw politics. Ray is all about the tourism. After all, since Katrina, the number of visitors to his city have fallen from 10 million a year to 8 million, and revenues are down around $300 million, to $4.5 billion. As a result, Nagin has lobbied for U.S. and Cuban authorities to allow special charter flights between New Orleans and Cuba. Kind of like those flights from LaGuardia to Ft. Lauderdale in the early 1980s, I guess.

The Mayor said New Orleans also could be an ideal transit point for European tourists flying to or from Havana. "You spend some time in Havana and then you jump on the plane and an hour and half, two hours later, you're in New Orleans," Nagin said. "You can spend a couple of days on Bourbon Street drinking 'hurricanes.'

Okay.

Yes, its true that like rice and beans, Hurricanes bind us. But I don't see the Amsterdam/Havana/New Orleans trip taking the travel industry by storm. Except for the Dead Heads still wandering aimlessly after Jerry's death, but they don't spend much money and they are REALLY smelly. And annoying.

Mayor Ray delved a bit into politics and governmental function, offering this insightful comment about the Cuban government: "I think they do a much better job than we do on knowing their citizens at a very, very detailed level, block by block," Nagin said.

That was a joke, right?

N.B.: I love Miami, home to the Jewish and (winter time) Italian mobs, at their heyday. Meyer Lansky, Bugsy Siegel, Al Capone. Hanging here, here, and here. Can you imagine?

Don't Drink the Water

2009-10-08T05:18:00.000-07:00

Interesting case being prosecuted by the feds down here. Richard P. Cramer, former high-ranking federal agent has pleaded Not Guilty to drug trafficking charges that included accusations that he gave intelligence to Mexican cartel members.

According to the complaint, on a number of occasions Mr. Cramer used his position to search federal databases and a California state database to see if certain unidentified drug trafficking organization members were informants for American law enforcement.

A federal law enforcement officer for 26 years, Mr. Cramer was the head of the Immigration and Customs Enforcement office in Nogales, Ariz., a busy drug and illegal immigrant trafficking spot, until 2004. Then he became the agency’s representative in Guadalajara, assigned to help track traffickers there, until he retired in 2007.

The government will have its hands full here, as Mr. Cramer is represented by Hector L. Flores, who has been a player in the federal defense bar for many years. Mr. Flores has a nice quote in today's New York Times, noting that Mr. Cramer is “a good man who has the support of his family and friends,” who “should not be a casualty of the chaos in Mexico.”

NB I've experienced a bit of chaos in Mexico myself. It usually starts with the "Centenario." Devil's water, that stuff.

For Hal Kant

2009-10-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

You figure it out.

Anyhoo, I am fried. It's been an incredibly busy and stressful 10 months. So I am fleeing with my beautiful wife and brood. I am told we are going to try and make another baby. I'm not sure it's necessary we be able to field our own team, and I'll have to work here to be able to support another but, WTF.

I feel grateful for many things, and I will pray hard in the mountains for clean results for the 6 month body scan of my friend's son.

NB: Hal always chomped on an unlit Don Tomas Presidente, when playing in a poker tournament. But that's a story for another day.

Ann Coulter , Miss September

2009-10-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

So much for Big Firm Lawyers being all stuffy and conservative and what not.

This is a great post, although I've got news for Gilbert Gottfried: you're no Don Rickles.

Speaking of satirical critiques, did you ever see this?

Turns out Ann Coulter is a hottie, or at least "epitomizes both the brains and beautify (sic) of the modern conservative woman," said Alyssa Cordova, the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute's policy director and de facto calendar spokeswoman. There is something striking about Ann's looks, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Anyhoo, I'm not attracted to Coulter, but I would let Bay Buchanan butter my muffin any day.

According to Cordova (for all you folks in Iowa that is pronounced CORE DOE VA) the women in the calendar are famous for "outspokenness and family values." Ah yes, family values, according to the far right. The conservative institute's namesake, Clare Boothe Luce, may in fact be the architect of the far right's definition of family values. Born the illegitimate child of a dancer, as a child she bounced around a number of schools, was a child understudy on Broadway, toured Europe with her mother and step-father (second marriage for mommy), then married George Tuttle Brokaw, a boy who did nothing except inherit his daddy's clothing fortune. They had a daughter, George hit the botttle , they divorced. So she looked for rich husband number two, and nailed him. Henry Robinson Luce, publisher of Time, Fortune and Life magazines.

Luce was real close to actress Dorothy Hale, who committed suicide, leading Clare to commission Freda Kahlo to paint a portrait of the ill-fated "thespian."

Later, Clare found religion and joined the Catholic church.

Yup, good old conservative values: illegitimate children, multiple divorces, inherited weath, alcoholism, suicide, secret same-sex lovers, and attempting to hide it all behind new-found religion. Wait. That sounds exciting. Maybe I will change parties after all.

Rumour has it that an actor connected to the South Florida legal community will deliver a tour de force portrayal of Ann Coulter in the 2010 release of Fair Game. The film, a big screen adaptation of one of several low points in American history achieved during the Bush years, when Vice President Dick Cheney's Chief of Staff, Scooter Libby, shat all over the Constitution, mocked national security and threatened the lives of patriotic public servants who dared disagree with Cheney's cabal, should be interesting. Apparently, Coulter's character will be referred to as "Right Wing Reporter," not Ann Coulter.

N.B. I bet Cheney's daughter is attracted to Ann.

You Want A (small) Piece of Me?

2009-09-25T21:26:00.000-07:00

Don't mess with Texas.

It's like shooting fish in a barrel, but did you see this?

Come on. What were they fighting over? He's not in Leavenworth. It's a Camp , for crying out loud. The dude is 59. And formerly worth billions. Now he's brawling in prison? Ok, that's cool. And sure to get chicks. If he ever gets out.

I suppose he needs a creative outlet, to pass the time.

Anyhoo, as a result of proving his manhood, or getting shanked, as the case may be, they may revoke his membership here.

But there are still folks who will want to hang with him, for sure.

I lead such a boring life.

N.B. Doesn't the young woman sandwiched in between Mr. Stanford and his bag boy look so....scared?

Guadalajara Won't Do

2009-09-17T05:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I can't blog about my cases. And I have to be careful offering commentary on good lawyers making news.

That leaves alumni news and notes, I suppose.

Ah, the start of the college football season (I know, I know: its 3 games into the season. Unless you are the Florida Gators, in which case it is the first week of the season.)

Anyhoo, the chill of Fall is in the air. Old rivalries are renewed! Opportunitites for Gridiron Glory abound! And Playboy's "Girls of College Football."

The U will not be denied, thanks to Alexandra Ford.

Go Canes.

As my Favorite Judge would say "Those Boys are going to play hard and whoever can sustain their intensity longest, is sure to come out on top."

Funny, she claims to know nothing about sports.

NB: I wonder if Donna Shalala will take a peek.

Ex-DEA Chief Tom Raffanello Does a Little Spring Cleaning

2009-09-11T05:58:00.000-07:00

Kendall Coffey remains relevant, apparently.

You remember Kendall, right? South Florida Lawyer's wind surfing pal Glenn Garvin sure does.

So as reported by Jay Weaver, when Tom Raffanello, a highly decorated, high ranking career federal law enforcement agent puts his training, skills and ethics to work for Allen Stanford and flaunts a court order to preserve all documents, instead ordering his lieutenants to shred thousands and thousands of pages of documents at the same time the government is raiding and shutting down his boss' enterprise, who does that Bad Boy hire to defend him when he is indicted?

Kendall, of course. Because Kendall knows how to make headlines and work the press. Obviously.

``They were just cleaning out the offices to close down their company,'' said Coffey.

Kendall called the indictment "a serious mistake."

Kendall knows about mistakes. Obviously.

N.B. Hey Tom, when is the last time Kendall Coffey tried a case, and did not plead his client guilty?

Mark Foley Opens Sleepover Camp for 15 year old boys!

2009-09-09T10:59:00.000-07:00

Well, this is almost as ridiculous.

You remember Marky-Mark, right? No? Foley is the former real estate agent turned Republican senator from sunny Florida who was a huge opponent of child pornography. Huge.

He introduced a bill, coined the "Child Modeling Exploitation Prevention Act of 2002" to outlaw web sites featuring sexually suggestive images of preteen children, saying that “these websites are nothing more than a fix for pedophiles.” (Folks, the guy is not a hypocrite - read carefully: he stands firm on banning images of PRE teen children.)

Turns out Mark had a little secret. He liked 'em young and vulnerable.

Here is a sampling of his internet chat with teenage page boys, from ABC News.

In case you can't access the hyperlink ("MAF54" is the ex senator):

Maf54 (7:46:33 PM): did any girl give you a haand job this weekend
Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:38 PM): lol no
Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:40 PM): im single right now
Xxxxxxxxx (7:46:57 PM): my last gf and i broke up a few weeks agi
Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): are you
Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): good so your getting horny
Xxxxxxxxx (7:47:29 PM): lol...a bit
Maf54 (7:48:00 PM): did you spank it this weekend yourself
Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:04 PM): no
Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:16 PM): been too tired and too busy
Maf54 (7:48:33 PM): wow...
Maf54 (7:48:34 PM): i am never to busy haha
Xxxxxxxxx (7:48:51 PM): haha
Maf54 (7:50:02 PM): or tired..helps me sleep

Foley resigned in 2006 after being exposed for these sex messages to underage males who worked on Capitol Hill as congressional pages.

So what's a fella to do after that debacle?

Republican talk radio, of course!

Inside the Mind of Mark Foley airs later this month, on local radio.

Inside the Mind of Mark Foley.

Who is the rocket scientist responsible for that catchy title?

``So, do you want to know what's inside the mind of Mark Foley?'' an announcer says in the show's promo.

What exactly makes the producers think anyone would want to venture there? Isn't that like - Inside the Kitchen of Hannibal Lecter's Thai Sushi Siam!

N.B. Doesn't the young boy on Foley's right look a little, well, sleepy, after spending time with the former senator?

Big Sugar

2009-09-05T12:44:00.001-07:00

Charlie and George are turning heads in DC. Turns out there is some scrutiny regarding George and his firm Gunster Yoakley and its work for the Governor and the State. I guess once you break on the national scene, all those skeletons come out of the closet.

As reported by the Miami Herald:

"For the past 15 years, West Palm Beach-based Gunster Yoakley has represented U.S. Sugar Corp., which for months negotiated with Crist's office to sell much of its land to the state and federal government to clean up polluted runoff in the Everglades. LeMieux said he avoided any involvement in the U.S. Sugar deal while working for Crist or afterward. The state's chief negotiator was Eric Eikenberg, a LeMieux protege who succeeded him as chief of staff.

Two weeks before LeMieux left Crist's office, Gunster Yoakley landed a $500,000 contract representing the state Department of Transportation on two matters. DOT general counsel Alexis Yarbrough, who signed the contract on Dec. 20, 2007, is the wife of Shane Strum, a deputy chief of staff who reported to LeMieux when he worked for Crist. LeMieux said he played no role in his firm's hiring; DOT has said the firm has special expertise in arcane railroad law. The firm did work for DOT before LeMieux returned there.

After leaving Crist's office in December 2007, LeMieux earned about $150,000 over a 13-month period as an adviser to state Republican Party chairman Jim Greer, a lucrative sideline that has led some to label LeMieux a ``political consultant.'' He will not discuss what he did to earn that money, which was paid from the party's federal account to his firm, MTC Strategies (named after his sons Max, Taylor, and Chase)."

You guys are like, SO skeptical!

NB - You have to admit, they sure look happy together.

Fight the Power

2009-09-05T09:12:00.000-07:00

Did you see where The Bearded One and his friend laid the hurt on the Department of Justice? Win some, lose some. This win has to feel good.

In a nutshell, the country lawyers from Miami represented a landowner coming up on the end of a 10 year lease to Southern Command.

(Come on people, Southern Command: responsible for U.S. military operations in the Western Hemisphere? For you conspiracy theorists, they do things like supply guns to counter insurgents, or regular insurgents, or the government in power that creates the desire or need for insurgents. They may be the unassuming neighbor who leads a quiet and solitary life, but who travels a lot and asks you to walk their dogs while they are gone. To those of us who are not conspiracy theorists and have faith in the wisdom of our government and its leaders and accept what they tell us at face value, Southern Command is tasked with Building A Brighter Future. (They probably just noted that I linked to the SOUTHCOMM site and are going to monitor my IPO and the IPO of those of you reading this.)

Anyhoo, it seems like the kind of adversary you don't necessarily want to piss off. So much for that.

And this is not the first time The Boys smack down SOUTHCOMM.

Two days before expiration of the 10 years lease, when negotiations to extend the lease did not result in terms favorable to SOUTHCOMM, SOUTHCOMM and its lawyers did what any fair minded party would do in good faith: they filed an action to condemn the property for Military use. Nice.

David O. Vollenweider III, part of the crack legal team at the Justice Department's Land Acquisition Division in Washington, argued no deal had been reached. No signed contract, no meeting of the minds, no deal. You'd think David O.'s position would resonate with Judge K. Michael Moore, right?

Nope.

Dotson and Lodish argued that even though the deal had not closed, negotiations were well-documented and the condemnation action was in bad faith and a violation of well-established contract law. “They wanted to remain, and we believe we had negotiated such an extension,” Dotson said.

GPA’s legal team showed the negotiated price had been approved by government officials.

“We were able to go up the chain,” Dotson said.

David, you just run along now back to Washington and explain to your bosses up the chain at the Department of Justice how you cost Southern Command 22.8 million.

N.B. I'm not really a facial hair kind of guy, but Alvin and this win have me rethinking my position. Heck, there are apparently a bunch of reasons to sport the growth, in addition to making you a bad ass.

No Jews or Dogs Allowed

2009-09-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

Ah, Broward County.

Founded by a short angry man who was named after a short angry man and who wanted to send all the coloreds back to Africa, like most cities that have survived after slavery was abolished, Broward has come a long way, right?

Let's take a look-see. There is that statue of the short angry man who embraced the notion of the superiority of white people, smack dab in the middle of the Broward courthouse. And the Honorable Lawrence Korda and his disdain for folks who do not speak English without an accent. And gosh, the Chief hates when the black folk play that rap music on their boom boxes. God Bless the Broward legal system.

But you knew all this. Its why I hear you say that you regard cases in Broward like The Plague.

What you maybe didn't know, is the prevalence of The Broward Way in other walks of life, like the education of children in Broward. The Sun Sentinel reports that "A Broward School District form for parents to sign and return asked for their children's racial background." Is your child a Negro?

You white men living in Broward might want to keep a close watch on your women.

NB: If one more Broward lawyer volunteers during litigation "I DON'T KNOW HOW YA'LL DO IT DOWN THERE IN MIAMI BUT HERE IN BROWARD...." I am going to start carrying a big pouch of Red Man chewing tobaccy everytime I venture into that pocket of the deep south, and offer it to the lawyer as my response to the above statement.

All Drew Barrymore, All The Time

2009-08-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

He rekindled my fixation. Not that I needed much help.

Have you heard? Drew's directorial debut is about to open. She's going to be the next Clint Eastwood. Or Ron Howard. I guarantee it. (Why do I always think of the Widom brothers when I see that commercial?)

Anyhoo, here is a clip.

I hope this movie does real well. It strikes me as the next generation of Breakfast Club/St. Elmo's Fire-type movies. Only smarter and edgier. Because after all, Drew is directing.

Thankfully, she dumped Justin Long, whoever that is. Come on. Justin? Long? What, are you a wanna-be porn star? Or just a pretty boy ? Either way, you're not worthy.

NB: Drew, I'll be in Vegas the week after next. Find me. I'm the guy from Miami.

With Liberty And Justice For All

2009-08-23T20:20:00.000-07:00

Bad Things Happen When Your Government Pays Off Bad People To Offer Bought Testimony.

As Southies everywhere would say, "You think I'm makin' this shit up!?!?"

Then read this.

"A former Secret Service informant who ran an operation called "Get Rich or Die Tryin" reportedly complained to associates of having to manually count $US340,000 in stolen $20 bills when his counting machine broke.

Albert Gonzalez, 28, is accused of masterminding the largest credit-card data thefts in history - where more than 130 million debit and credit card numbers were stolen from supermarket chains and retail outlets.

Court documents show that he lived a lavish lifestyle, drove a BMW and threw $US75,000 birthday parties.

Gonzalez, already in jail for other credit-card fraud offences, was indicted this week, with two unnamed Russian conspirators, over what federal prosecutors say is the largest case of identity theft yet."

I told you we never should have trusted the Russians. Damn liberal Democrats.

Can you imagine? Playing both sides of the fence? At that level? That young man has some balls. Sure, he may come out of the hoosegow in 10 years with a vagina where his anus used to be, but heck he drove a 500 Series BMW before he turned 25. That's something, right?

Law enforcement agents paid him handsomely to carry on, right under their noses. Sad part is, many people were investigated, arrested, charged or convicted, based on his deception. I mean, I'm just an M & A guy but am I missing something, or was he influenced to lie and offer false testimony against people, based on his desire to profit from his venality and greed, and to not be prosecuted?

NB - If anyone wants to throw a $75,000 party for my 45th birthday, please contact me off line. There are deals to be had in Vegas.

This Makes Me Sad

2009-08-15T20:38:00.000-07:00

Down in Homestead, holding a folded American flag against her chest and a single white rose over an elegant gray coffin, Velma Torres paid her final farewell Saturday to her 21-year-old son Cpl. Christian A. Guzman Rivera.

``For you my son, every moment of my life you will be in my heart,'' said a weeping Torres.

21.

I cry when I read that. I listen to my two young sons play cars behind me , and I can't fathom the sense of loss.

Guzman died in Afghanistan along with four other U.S. Marines on Aug. 6 after their Humvee drove over a land mine in the western province of Farah, near the border with Iran.

Six Marines, arms behind their backs, slowly and deliberately saluted Guzman's casket. They then turned and faced each other, sidestepped over to the hearse and carried Guzman's coffin, draped with red-white-and-blue flag, into the church.

Inside, the Rev. Carlos Vega had a simple message: Guzman fought on the battlefield so that all Americans can enjoy freedom and justice.

``Christian gave his life for that purpose, he gave his life for that mission,'' Vega said.

Guzman's death, and so many like it, are just sad, really. Politics aside, it is hard to agree with Reverend Vega's conclusion.

My sons will turn 21 before I know it. I hope we pull out of this charade before then. If not, I am fond of the maple leaf and ice hockey, I can learn to dress warm, and that National Anthem is snappy.

God Bless Cpl. Christian A. Guzman Rivera and his family, and so many like them.

A Woman's Place is in the Home

2009-07-17T06:41:00.000-07:00

The 1950s were good times. A woman stayed home, looked pretty for her man, cleaned the house, and had a warm meal ready for her family three times a day. And then our All-American values went to pot as women chased their dreams and fulfilled their ambition.

At least I think that's what Jack Welch, Master of the Universe, said here.

Speaking to Human Resource Management at its annual conference , Welch said women who take time off for family could be passed over for promotions if they are “not there in the clutch.”

“There's no such thing as work-life balance," Welch said. "There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences."

What?

Thanks, Jack, for your pearls of wisdom.

Jack knows about choices. He has chosen to marry three women, and has chosen to leave two of them, the first after they had four children. Men didn't do that back in the good old days, did they?

And Jack knows about consequences. When he left his second wife, it cost him $180 million. He may not leave his third wife.

Yale, Harvard and a Crushing Sense of Underachievement

2009-07-13T20:31:00.001-07:00

Marc Drier got 20 years, and went down on his knees, groveling. You have to admit, that's a little pathetic from a guy who ran a massive fraud, and enjoyed a lavish lifestyle as a result, including a huge yacht, a beach front house in the Hamptons, and a $207,043.29 Aston Martin DB-9 convertible. I mean, take your lumps like a man, dude.

"All of this left me feeling overwhelmed - by my debt, by a disappointing career, by a failed marriage. And so, incomprehensibly, in 2002 I started stealing,” Dreier said. "I stumbled upon the brazen idea of arranging fictitious loans from hedge funds, ostensibly to my principal client - the real estate developer referenced in the indictment - and diverting the loan proceeds to myself.”

What, is he freaking Robin Hood? He steals from the rich, evil hedge fund and developer types, and gives to... Marc Drier? Is that what he paid his "defense attorney" a million dollars, to come up with ? When will these defendants learn that if they want a real defense and a successful defense attorney , they need to come to Miami and hire that stud across town?

NB: Do Yale and Harvard revoke his degrees?

I Like Money

2009-07-12T21:25:00.001-07:00

Being a Receiver or Trustee can be Important and Honorable work. Even when its not, it sure is lucrative.

Just ask Irving H. Picard, the trustee charged with liquidating the investment advisory firm of Bernard L. Madoff.

Irv and his team of lawyers, paralegals and non-legal staff are requesting $14.7 million for their first seven month of work.

For seven months of work.

For seven months of work.

I love greed. It knows no boundaries. I refer, of course, to Bernie's Ponzi scheme.

Back to Irv. He is getting some push back.

"Investors who fell prey to Bernard L. Madoff's massive Ponzi scheme are claiming they have been victimized not once, but twice: this time by the trustee charged with overseeing the liquidation of Madoff's investment securities firm.

In a suit filed Wednesday in bankruptcy court in the Southern District of New York, three Pennsylvania residents accused Irving H. Picard, who was appointed to the trustee post under the Securities Investor Protection Act of 1970 and oversees claims filed by Madoff investors, of favoring the brokerage industry and "enrich[ing]" Wall Street at the expense of innocent investors."

Mr. Picard is a partner at Baker Hosteteler. His lawyer, David J. Sheehan, of Baker Hosteteler, has declined to comment on investor litigation.

You know what I love about having no money? I have no money to lose.

Dirty Laundry

2009-07-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

The New Times has waded into it, posting this story.

And this picture, posted under the user name "obeyme99." Obey you, indeed.

The story of the Ballman's marital woes seems pedestrian, at this point. I will say, however, that I've been around the block a few times, and even the world, but I am still scratching my head trying to understand this: "Below the image was a list of her interests: 'Role-playing, cuckolding, slaves, ATM piggies, verbal humiliation...'"

ATM piggies? Someone help me here. I feel old.

NB: How freaky is it that Don Henley played "Dirty Laundry" at Clinton's Inaugural Ball? I don't think I remember that. I wonder if the song is one of Monica's favorites?

Oh, this is Rich

2009-06-26T09:16:00.000-07:00

So have you heard the one about John Ashcroft getting $52 million to serve as "monitor" to a medical equipment company that received a deferred prosecution agreement (read: "get out of jail free card") from Ashcroft's buddy Christopher Christie, former United States Attorney for New Jersey? Oh, sure. The contract included a flat fee of $750,000 a month for 18 months, plus hourly billing and expenses. Better still, it was a no-bid contract, meaning when the company "accepted" the right to not be prosecuted, it pretty much had to settle on Christie's virtual appointment of Ashcroft as monitor, as part of the deal.

Still able to hold down your lunch, are you? Get this: when the company learned only after accepting the deal, the price of admission Ashcroft was charging to play ball, it protested through its counsel, Fulbright & Jaworski. At which point the US Attorney himself interceded and wrote to the company's counsel in a most paternalistic way " "I am very disappointed that this matter has not been resolved by your client. I am not convinced that this dispute is at the point where it cannot be resolved between your client and the Monitor."

Sunshine has now illuminated this little deal.

Currently, a House subcommittee hearing over the propriety of the no-bid contract is ongoing. The issue is such a black-eye for the justice department , that the Christie/Ashcroft deal caused it to change the process for how monitor contracts are awarded.

But, in the meantime, Ashcroft and his Boys remain pious and have refused to accept responsibility for what appears to many to be a shake-down and does not pass the smell test.

Ashcroft denied that his connection with Christie constituted a conflict of interest or even the appearance of impropriety. "No law that I know of has been violated," Ashcroft said.

You have to admit, this guy gives good depo.

Say what you want about John, but he is a true friend, always rising to defend his buddies, when some latina democrat gal has the audacity to question his authority to make unfettered decisions. At one point during the hearings, Ashcroft told Rep. Linda Sanchez, D-Calif that "this hearing costs more money than any corporate monitorship.""Not a single cent of tax dollars is spent on deferred prosecution agreements," Ashcroft said. He later criticized her for "attacking" Christie, whom he called an accomplished prosecutor, and suggested that Sanchez's concerns about impropriety were so misplaced as to be discriminatory against former public officials.

Ah, the best defense is a good offense.

For his part, Christie apparently learned well at the feet of the Master, and is not going to take any lip from a bunch of politicos.

Christie said during the subcommittee hearing that controversy over the no-bid contract has been exaggerated by Democrats looking to derail his bid as a Republican running for New Jersey governor.

It's a conspiracy!

He's a victim!

And Christie apparently has had enough, taking his marbles and going home. Literally. The National Law Journal reports that Christie, telling lawmakers he had a train to catch, finally walked out of the hearing in frustration after two and a half hours. Democrats tried to get him to stay as television cameras followed him out.

Who the hell does that and gets away with it? Isn't he under subpoena?

"This is not a conflict of interest," Ashcroft said. "There is not an appearance of conflict."

Sympathy, my ass.

What are you, on crack?

2009-06-25T19:22:00.001-07:00

Sorry. That's no way to address a Senator.

But in reading that Yale Law Dean Harold Koh was confirmed to be legal advisor to the State Department, I noted that "Koh overcame procedural roadblocks thrown up by Republicans who questioned his commitment to U.S. sovereignty."

I'm not even sure what that means. Like, what: he wanted to cede to Belgium? Or he advocates that we break into groups of "biguns" and "littluns", fighting to establish superiority? Or somehow he has managed to achieve his stature in life, and he's really a double secret agent for Russia? I'm convinced that when Republicans return to their wives and children after hanging for a long weekend in the DR with a pocket full of Viagra, hallucinations eventuate. How else can you justify being an elected official who doesn't wear a white sheet on his head, and claim that Koh "is not committed to US sovereignty?"

You want to know why republicans solidified their continued marginalization by challenging Koh in this despicable manner? Because he opposed going to war in Iraq. Because he opposed US sanctioned torture. Because he wants the US to be the leader on how to conduct international trials for violations of human rights.

Sicko. Commie. Che!

You know, a few of my partners graduated from Yale Law, and on occasion when they have not agreed with my legal analysis, I've wondered if they were not trying to overthrow the United States Government. Heck, maybe the republicans are on to something with this Koh guy.

NB: That flag annoys me.

La Vida Continua

2009-06-25T11:39:00.001-07:00

Big Law continues to scramble to find ways to stay afloat, once again turning to the incoming associate class as a source of cost cutting. As the National Law Journal reports today DLA Piper, the largest Firm in the free world, has reduced the size of its first-year associate class entering the firm in January to 85, down from 100 last year. And only half of the 85 will actually work at the firm, while the other half go into public interest jobs and join the firm in the fall of 2010, said Frank Burch, the firm's global chairman. But it doesn't end there. Forget the old Big Law predictable lock-step associate compensation formula. And apparently, Big Law is going to place more emphasis on the dreaded contract/staff attorney, thereby divesting associates further of their worth to The Firm. (Look, I can't stand the annual locust-like influx of gunner associates either, but you have to admit there is something weird about contract attorneys.)

Anyhoo, the resultant uncertainty can't make for a happy summer for these newly minted law grads all bloated with their sense of entitlement and promise of filthy lucre. Rather than sit around fretting, I'd get a job waiting tables some where around here and blow it out, maybe for the last time before reality sets in. After all, the best revenge is living well.

Inconceivable

2009-06-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

Kanye West - New Music - More Music Videos

We've all been dumped. Some of us by clients. But few of us have had our fragile egos dinged when clients publicly kicked us to the curb. Hot shot Randall Kessler feels that humiliation. Randall, who we understand from his website is a huge deal in Georgia, which I think is like being a huge deal in Broward, is "often asked to handle cases involving celebrities and athletes." He's got the noggin to prove it.

Anyhoo, Randy - can we call you Randy? - was dumped on Twitter in front of his client's 19,305 followers. Of course, tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have had a client with 19,305 Twitter followers. Unless she owes you $4 for every one of her Twitter followers. And you were banking on Usher picking up the tab.

Randall formerly represented Tameka Foster-Raymond in a divorce proceeding initiated by her soon-to-be ex, R&B singer Usher. Days after Kessler publicly praised his client as a faithful wife and loving mother, Raymond, who goes by @TamekaRaymond on Twitter, was tweeting her buddy, celebrity lawyer @StarJonesEsq in search of a new lawyer. Foster-Raymond's tweet, which was posted publicly, read: "My lawyer = horrible. Need the name/number of a good one in Atlanta."

I love Atlanta. Next time you are in Atlanta, check out Sylvia's. It's incredible.

Randall

Not Randall

The Enigma

2009-06-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

T.I. - New Music - More Music Videos

While other leading Republicans fall from grace, our Man Charlie remains a devoted family man protecting his constituents.

Its hard to slam Charlie, who today vetoed a bill that would have deregulated rates for some residential property insurance policies. Crist wrote that the so-called ''Consumer Choice'' bill ''actually gives the choice to a select group of property insurance companies.'' It would have let them choose to sell unregulated policies only to customers who pose the lowest risk, Crist advised.

For a guy with his sights clearly set on a presidential run down the road, you'd think he would not want to poke his finger in the eye of Big Insurance. But he did. That gives Charlie some street cred, in my book.

Bad Boy, Bad Boy, What You Gonna Do When They Come For You?

2009-06-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

He refers to it as "North of the Border," but many who venture there claim it is the deep, deep south. An old boys network where judges and politicians enforce unspoken codes regarding how justice is dispensed and politics and business run. I don't know about all that, and will leave it to his blog to document the public scandals that plague Broward.

But the latest from over yonder suggests Broward may have a long way to go in cleaning up its act. Broward Sheriff Al Lamberti is facing a state elections inquiry involving a campaign advertisement in what at the moment is a civil probe.

The Herald reports that a roofer in Broward ran an add by hoisting a sign on a car, with a 65-ton crane, near I-95. Apparently, the roofer, who admitted to not filing an in-kind contribution form as required by the Elections Commission, moonlights as a lawyer: "...I don't know of any case when people put signs on their property that they call it an in-kind rent." Alrighty then, Counselor.

And oh yeah: Crane boy, according to the Herald, earns about 60 percent of his business from government contracts.

When contacted today for a comment, Lamberti had his mouth full at a breakfast "event" and could not comment. Presumably, he paid for his own doughnuts.

Superman

2009-06-23T21:13:00.001-07:00

I got nothing else.

Sexy Lexus, Bernie Madoff, and Amsterdam

2009-06-23T19:51:00.000-07:00

This pretty much sums it up for me.

No blog to call my own. No readership. No Sexy Lexus.

And speaking of low hanging fruit, yesterday the court-appointed trustee in charge of liquidating the investment firm of Bernie Madoff filed suit against broker dealer, Cohmad Securities Corp., to recover what he alleged were decades worth of "ill gotten gains" received as a result of the firm's "symbiotic relationship" with Bernie's posse. The trustee asserted that "Cohmad, formed by Madoff's friend and former neighbor, Maurice "Sonny" Cohn, had "little other business or purpose," than to steer customers to Madoff's investment firm." Begging the question, why the hell would you NEED any other business or purpose when you're stealing money with Bernie and living high on the hog?

By the way, were you aware that the Titan of Enforcement, the Protector of the People, the S.E.C. has reached a partial settlement with Madoff? No? Have not seen it posted on the S.E.C.'s website? Hmm. That's surprising.

Anyhoo, details of the settlement released last week reveal that Madoff did not have to admit wrongdoing under the agreement, but he is barred from ever again working in the securities industry. That's just disgusting.

NB - is that SFL holding the lighter over his head , in the front row?