"These are subtleties. The point is, that it works."

I couldn't make this crap up if I wrote for what once was a newspaper.

"Judge Finds No Ineffective Assistance in Trial Where Defense Lawyer's 'Associate' Was Non-Attorney Felon"

After Kenneth Stevens had been sentenced to 216 months in federal prison, he learned the "associate" who sat second chair at his trial was not in fact an attorney, but rather was a non-attorney convicted felon.

And not just any felon, mind you.

Harvey Alter was "the associate". Harv, unbeknown to the accused or the trial judge, was the former chief of Manhattan House, which at the time was New York's largest halfway house. Harv had pleaded guilty to bribery "for demanding and receiving from [a Manhattan House resident] sexual and sado-masochistic favors in exchange for money, drugs, and [the] promise of favorable treatment," as described by his subsequent appeal of his sentence.

The guilty plea satisfied charges that Alter had coerced sex from at least four residents of the halfway house. (And Harv still appealed his sentence!)

So who is the "trial lawyer" and what's his connection to Harvey the halfway house molester? Stevens was represented by Michael A. Young who referred to Alter throughout the trial as his "associate" and who attended attorney sidebars.

Turns out Young, Stevens' trial counsel, was Alter's partner in Manhattan House, as well as the president of the company that owned the halfway house. The two men shared an apartment in Greenwich Village and Young owned a Fire Island cottage that was the site of the drug-fueled parties detailed in Alter's indictment, according to two stories in Newsday.

Southern District of New York Judge John F. Keenan ruled that the ostensible associate's criminal background and lack of a law degree were insufficient grounds for finding ineffective assistance.

Really?

What the hell was everyone thinking? What kind of joy ride with some guy's life was this? What was the genesis of this idea? Why was it fun for Harv the molester? And why did Young entertain the experiment? What is wrong with these people?

And I thought Kubrick was whack.

N.B. "Young, a Manhattan solo practitioner who was admitted to the bar in 1971, was not publicly sanctioned for his actions."

The Most Interesting Man In The World...

...of Miami politics.

From humble professional beginnings as a local reporter in Spanish language media, he rode a wave of low voter turnout to capture the Throne in 2009.

Now, communicating without barriers, he clothes the homeless, swims with sharks, and fearlessly attempts novel theories of contract law to try and correct his mistakes.

You guessed it!

N.B.: Find out what it is you don't do well in life, and then don't do that thing.

Secretary Wanted

Man, my secretary gave me crap today, which is no different than any other day.

Except she was prioritizing ANOTHER LAWYER'S WORK before mine. And that ain't right.

After all, who in the World is more important than me, right?

It's so hard to find good help these days. Someone who takes pride in their work and is devoted to discharging the responsibilities of the job with zeal.

N.B.: Enjoy your three day weekend. It's going to be a grind from now until Thanksgiving.

Ode to Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin

Interviewing Tips for Law School Graduates

So with this tight legal market, it seems finding a law job continues to be hard.

Fancy firms have taken a "hiatus" from their summer programs and are "being more discerning" (read: we can't pay our equity partners what we used to pay them and are desperately trying to find money, including by restricting temporarily the flow of new blood into the firm and hoping it does not permanently damage our ability to function.)

Smaller, lesser known regional firms come right out and admit that they have terminated their summer associate program because they cannot afford it if they wish to survive.

When or if the legal market enjoys a slow uptick, landing a job as a summer will be even more perilous.

In addition to the Ten Commandments of interviewing (which you should never forget) law grads are confronted with stealth behavioral interview tactics.

Consider these prodding inquiries certain to yield insight:

"Law firm interviewers are being trained to ask questions like "How did you handle the last time you received an unexpected project?" or "What was an innovative idea you came up with in the workplace?"

Are you shittin' me? That's it? Now it's obvious why after 5 years 80 percent of big law associates leave for the county attorney's office, the S.E.C., or to hang their shingle on Flagler Street.

As I've said before, you just have to be yourself. That's either good enough, or it's not. And no amount of faking it will carry the day, at least not for very long.

N.B. She never fakes it.

And did you notice how Lynn couldn't remember "adultery" as one of the 10 Commandments?

The Case of the Miami Penis Pump Scammers

I love those old Hardy Boys' Mystery Book titles.

Anyhoo, did you see this little article?

Someone has a sense of humor - "Charlie RX" and "Happy Trips of Hialeah" - great names for medical equipment provider companies selling penis pumps, or at least bilking Medicare for them. But why not call the company "Wee Willies" or "Irish Curse RX"?

N.B.: I wonder if the Miami Go-To criminal defense lawyer will get this, if he doesn't already have it. The case, not the pump.

I hope Ursula draws this case.

The Universal Defense

No matter the cause of action, the defense always boils down to this.

Sometimes, that shit don't fly.

NB - Preservation Hall will always be good for the soul.