Ann Coulter , Miss September

So much for Big Firm Lawyers being all stuffy and conservative and what not.

This is a great post, although I've got news for Gilbert Gottfried: you're no Don Rickles.

Speaking of satirical critiques, did you ever see this?

Turns out Ann Coulter is a hottie, or at least "epitomizes both the brains and beautify (sic) of the modern conservative woman," said Alyssa Cordova, the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute's policy director and de facto calendar spokeswoman. There is something striking about Ann's looks, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Anyhoo, I'm not attracted to Coulter, but I would let Bay Buchanan butter my muffin any day.

According to Cordova (for all you folks in Iowa that is pronounced CORE DOE VA) the women in the calendar are famous for "outspokenness and family values." Ah yes, family values, according to the far right. The conservative institute's namesake, Clare Boothe Luce, may in fact be the architect of the far right's definition of family values. Born the illegitimate child of a dancer, as a child she bounced around a number of schools, was a child understudy on Broadway, toured Europe with her mother and step-father (second marriage for mommy), then married George Tuttle Brokaw, a boy who did nothing except inherit his daddy's clothing fortune. They had a daughter, George hit the botttle , they divorced. So she looked for rich husband number two, and nailed him. Henry Robinson Luce, publisher of Time, Fortune and Life magazines.

Luce was real close to actress Dorothy Hale, who committed suicide, leading Clare to commission Freda Kahlo to paint a portrait of the ill-fated "thespian."

Later, Clare found religion and joined the Catholic church.

Yup, good old conservative values: illegitimate children, multiple divorces, inherited weath, alcoholism, suicide, secret same-sex lovers, and attempting to hide it all behind new-found religion. Wait. That sounds exciting. Maybe I will change parties after all.

Rumour has it that an actor connected to the South Florida legal community will deliver a tour de force portrayal of Ann Coulter in the 2010 release of Fair Game. The film, a big screen adaptation of one of several low points in American history achieved during the Bush years, when Vice President Dick Cheney's Chief of Staff, Scooter Libby, shat all over the Constitution, mocked national security and threatened the lives of patriotic public servants who dared disagree with Cheney's cabal, should be interesting. Apparently, Coulter's character will be referred to as "Right Wing Reporter," not Ann Coulter.

N.B. I bet Cheney's daughter is attracted to Ann.